The Zelda Diaries
by lets play pacman
Summary: Ever wonder REALLY goes on in the minds of Link and friends? Find out in their collection of diary entires! My first Zelda fanfic since my others got deleted (except for The Ruto Story)


Konichiwa! I'm SOOOO excited about the new Zelda game for Game cube! I was watching a few trailers for it, and it's SO

COOL! I can't wait for it to come out :3

So in honor of the new Zelda game, I typed another Zelda fanfic! It's been forever, but i was bored, and on a sugar fix. Well,

ENJOY!

**DIARY ENTRY 1: Link**

Monday. 5:30 P.M.

Dear Diary,

Remind me never to bring Navi with me to Hyrule Marketplace again. Ever. I know she's normally annoying, but today she's

drawn the line! Almost like that time when she- Oh wait! I never even made an intro! Okay, let's see here. Um, I don't really

have a thing for writing, but here it goes, my name is Link, and I am the Hero of Time (Yeah, it's hot isn't it?) Don't think I'm

writing in this girly diary because I'm gay, or gender confused or anything. Rauru made me. The walrus thinks I'm

psychologically troubled or something smart-sounding like that. Know-it-all fatass. Who does he think he is anyway, to be

mouthing off to me like that? Like I was saying, he forced me to. It's supposed to be "healthy". Like that tub of lard has ever

exercised the definition of healthy. He hasn't exercised anything at all!

Enough about him, on with my story. So, it all started after Rauru told me go out and buy a diary for my psychological health, or

whatever. Anyway, I was already pretty pissed just because Rauru was using big words again, but then Navi had to fly in rub it

in my face! I could tell she was pretty smug with the fact I had to keep a diary. I get no respect around here. She started

rambling on and on, liked she knew what she was talking about. She was even acting all buddy-buddy, agreeing with Rauru

about big words I didn't understand. They just do that confuse me, and they're going to suffer for it. They shouldn't be defying a

Hero of Time. But it gets better, because then she was all, "We'll keep diaries together Link!" The little suck up! She likes to

act like we're real pals, just because she doesn't have any friends. Big surprise. Well, no friends except for the Great Deku

Tree, but that overgrown weed rotted out years ago. Navi still gets upset whenever we eat anything with leaves. The sensitive

little light bulb starts getting all teary and depressed, talking about how she misses the Deku Tree. She's just doing it for

attention. Attention that gets taken away from ME! Gosh, I really don't get any respect around here, do I? Sometimes I feel so

sorry for myself. I should write song, no, a BOOK about it! It would go something like, A lost and forgotten hero. Stumbling

through shadows in the dark lonely world that has abandoned me-I mean him. Searching through darkness, longing for a

purpose.

Now I'm all depressed. I'm gonna go get one of those pints of Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream and stare out my window.

Yours always - Link, The Hero of Time

Monday 7:46 P.M.

Dear Diary,

I'm feeling better now. Staring out the window always helps my depression. Especially when some hot Hylian chick walks by.

In a skirt. Maybe if I'm lucky, a gust of wind will come. I'm gonna look out the window some more.

Yours always -Link, The Hyrule Gigolo

Monday 8:01 P.M.

I love windy days.

Yours always -Link, The Hottest Guy in Hyrule

Monday 9:14 P.M.

It's nighttime. Too dark to see any chicks. If I still had that ocarina, I could play the Suns Song, and look at girls some more. I

bet that's why Zelda REALLY took it away, because she was jealous that I could make it day time ALL the time and look at

normal girls. Ones that don't have green eyebrows like her. That jealous bimbo. Maybe SHE should be the one keeping the

diary. Fix that jealousy problem of hers. Not that I blame her or anything, I mean, after all, I am the Hero of Time.

Yours always - Link, The Hunk That Makes Zelda Jealous

Monday 9:59 P.M.

Sorry, I stopped writing, I was teasing my hair. Zelda's so spoiled, being a princess and all. I want her hair, it's perfect. If I had

Zelda's hair, I'd have ALL the girls at my feet, begging to date me.

Oh, no! I got so busy talking about Zelda's hair, I forgot to finish the story I started! I don't even remember where i left off. Let

me see, I think it began when I went to Hyrule Marketplace to get this stupid diary. That's right, and Navi came along! Oh, I

hate her. She wanted to get a diary too, and be diary buddies. What a load of crap. I already had to spend 50 rupees on this

diary! Shouldn't i get a discount for saving that rundown marketplace! I've said it once and I'll say it again. No respect. So after

I picked out a diary, I went up to the counter to pay for it (duh). I picked out a green one. It matched my hat. Anyway, moving

on, as i was paying for that overpriced piece of junk, Navi flew up to me with her diary. She was like, "Oh Link, please get this

one for me! It sparkles!" It was some dinky diary with glitter all over it. There was no way i was gonna buy that garbage. It

would shed pink glitter all over my green tunic! Pink and green? BIG fashion no-no! Especially when you're like me and have a

reputation to uphold. I wasn't about to let my image go to waste just because Navi liked shiny things. Was she brain dead! So

naturally, I told her "NO FREAKIN' WAY". So she got all teary eyed again, trying to look pathetic and take attention away

from me. And it worked. She's so self-absorbed! And even worse, while that glowy little snot bubble was crying, this totally hot

store manger came to her "rescue". Navi was like, "He won't get me the pink sparkle diary!" And then the hot manager, I think

her name tag said Haboora or something, started getting all huggy and comforting. That little demon fairy was stealing the

nourishment that _I_ clearly needed more than her. And it was the nourishment from a total babe! That satanonic pixie didn't even

stop there! Then she had the nerve, to come out and announce that I was keeping I diary because I was psychologically

unstable! And that it was because I wet the bed! So now all the girls in the store including Nobaro, or whatever her name was,

think I'm the biggest pansy in Hyrule! And it's all because of Navi had to go and mock me! I think I'm gonna have to dust of my

Hylian sword this weekend.

Yours always – Link, The Suppressed Legend

Monday 11:03 P.M.

I almost forgot, that whole wetting the bed thing? It was water. That I spilled on my bed. That butt munch fairy doesn't know

what she's talking about. And she probably shoplifted that diary. I WILL EXPOSE HER FOR THE FRAUD SHE IS!

Yours always- Link, The Determined Minion of Truth

Well, that's it for Link's diary entry! Who will be next? (dumdumdum!)

Hope you enjoyed! -Keaton


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